Therapy
by Project324B21
Summary: Callie looks back on her divorce with Arizona. Callie-centric angst.


**Just some Callie-centric angst for you lovely people.**

 _ **Disclaimer: I do not own Grey's Anatomy. If I did, George wouldn't have died.**_

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"So, you said you're divorced?" I look down at my lap and nod. My eyes fill with tears and I blink fast to hold them back. "What happened between you and your husband? What led to the decision of a divorce?" I chuckle quietly to myself. "I'm talking about my ex-wife, actually. I've been married twice, once to a man, and once to a woman." The man hums in acknoledgement and writes in his yellow pad of paper. How stereotypical. "Breifly, can you tell me what happened with the man?" I cringe as I think about it. It was a long story. One with cheating, lying, divorce, and eventually, death. I didn't want to tell that story. That's not why I'm here. "He got hit by a bus and died." I say bluntly. The man looks shocked as he writes more things down about me. "And how do you feel about that now?" I stare at him like he is the most ignorant man in the world. Which he might actually be. "Oh, so we're going with the 'how does that make you feel' line, huh?" I shake my head bitterly. "How do think I feel? He got hit by a bus! He was the nicest guy in the world. He died saving someones life. I loved him! What? Do you think I was dancing on his grave and thanking the lord for killing him?" I let out a small laugh. "Man, you are dumb!"

"Okay Callie, lets move on to your ex-wife. What led up to that divorce?" I sigh as my body betrays me, and a lone tear makes its way down my face. I wipe it away furiously and look around the office. I take in its bland tan walls, framed pictures of flowers decorating it, the glass windows behind the man, allowing me to look out into the heart of Seattle. I stare at the brown desk, adorned with family pictures and small plants and a couple of stress balls. Then I look at the man himself, his half bald head, thick framed black glasses, white button up shirt with light blue stripes going down it, a simple black tie around his neck. Theres nothing special about him really, but I observe him closely anyway. I have to keep blonde locks of hair and wheely sneakers out of my mind somehow, right? "Callie?" I hum, letting him know that I heard him. "What led up to this divorce?" He asks again. I sigh and let all the images rush into my head, forcing more tears out of my eyes. "I cut off her leg."

 _"Arizona!" I yell walked towards the bedroom. I frown when the hospital bed is empty. "Where are you?" I walk into the bathroom to see her sitting on the floor. "Are you okay? Where's the nurse?" I ask worriedly. Arizona fidgets with her hair slightly. "I-uh...I didn't like her...so I fired her." Arizona admits. I sigh frustrated and run my hand across my face. "Great." I sit down on the floor. "Why are you..." I trail off, gesturing to her form on the floor. "I thought, that I could get, to the toilet. By myself." She looks down for a moment. "Apparently I was wrong." I sit quietly, not knowing what to say. I just watch Arizona's blue eyes fill with tears. Eyes that used to be brighter than the sky, and filled with life. Now, they are a grayish-blue color, and the happy Arizona I knew, is gone. "Did you fall? Are you-are you okay?" I stutter slightly. "Do I look okay?" She motions to herself, her voice bitter, filled with hate. "I'm sitting in a pool of my own urine!" She yells at me. I flinch at the change in voice level. "I'm gonna put you in the shower." I stand up to do so._

 _"No just get out!" She screams. I turn on the water in the shower and crouch down infront of her. "Hey!" I don't yell, but my voice isnt friendly either. "Do not talk to me that way!" I point my finger at her, feeling like I'm scolding a child. She starts trying to hit me. I grab both her hands as she struggles. "Please get out! Do you hear me?! You did this! I cant even pee by myself!" She exclaims angrily. "Yeah! and it's a problem because you now stink! This bathroom stinks!" I scream back at her. I grab her by the arms and lift her up as she screams at me. "Get off of me!" I push both of us, fully clothed, under the water running from the shower. "I cant live like this!"_

 _"Get off of me!"_

 _"I have no where else to go! This is my life now too!" I'm sobbing by this point. Big, fat, tears mix in with the water from the shower running down my face. Arizona stares at me pitifully._

"Excuse me?" I look up at him. "You cut off her leg?" I shake my head. "Techically, Alex did, but I ordered for it to be done, so yes. In her eyes, I cut off her leg." I stare down at my hands, my thumb running over my left ring finger that now feels naked. "I'm sorry, but your going to have to explain a little more." Of course I do. No one can ever just be happy with what I tell them. They always demand more. More answers. More time. More everything. And I give it. I give more and more and more, until theres no more left to give. "About a year ago, my wife, along with five other doctors, got into a plane crash. Two of the doctors died, one being my bestfriend, the others were injured. My wife broke her leg really bad. They were stranded for a week before anyone found them. By that time she had an infection that couldnt be cured, she was coding, so I ordered for a fellow doctor to amputate." I explain breifly. "And she never forgave me."

"Now, if you were doing this, to save her life, why was she so mad?" I clench my eyes shut. That's the whole big question right there. "I promised her, that she wouldnt lose her leg." What a stupid promise that was. They teach you as a doctor, not to make promises to your patients, or the patients family. You can never know if you will be able to keep those promises or not. "Why did you promise something, that you didnt know you could keep?" Why do people do a lot of things? "I dont know." I run my fingers through my hair. "She had just gone through a big trauma. I wanted to keep her happy. I didnt think that we would have to amputate." I always wanted Arizona happy. I even agreed not to have kids at point point, just so she could be happy. Her being happy, made me happy. Her smile was contagious and could light up a room. She was bubbly and bright and just amazing.

"And was that what ended the marriage?" It couldnt be that simple, could it? "No. For months after the crash, she wouldnt be sexually active with me. Then she cheated on me with another woman." More tears. They are hot rolling down my face and I want to stand up and leave. I want to drink myself to oblivian and forget all about her. I want to never feel this pain again. This unbearable sinking feeling. She was my world. My entire life, shattered to pieces, because of her. One human being. Crazy, isnt it? How one person can change everything in your life? It doesnt seem possible, until it happens to you.

 _"Hey, is that Arizona's ring? Pinned to your scrub top?" My heart sinks as Lauren goes on this long bullshit rant about borrowing a scrub top from Arizona. Then Arizona looks back at me, and all I see is guilt. That's when my world seemed to end._

 _"I thought-I thought we were, passed the hard stuff." I cry once we are alone. "I thought we were finally good!" It just doesnt make sense. "We were. We-we are." She stutters. "We're married!" I exclaim. "I-I know." I slam my hands against my face. "Oh god. We have a child!" Tears are flooding my face, my vision is blurred through them. "Why would you do this?" Arizona starts crying now. "I dont know."_

 _"After all thats happened this year, everything we've been through. Everything we survived. Bankrupsy, Mark, the plane-"_

 _"Oh you werent on the plane, Callie!" Arizona yells, cutting me off. "You werent, in the woods, and you did not hear Meredith, crying for Lexie, and Mark, moaning in pain. Or, hear me scream, in pain. You werent there! And you keep acting like you were but you werent! And it wasnt your expierence!"_

 _"I lost Mark! You almost died! You-"_

 _"I lost Mark and you almost died." She mimicks me bitterly. "You werent on the freakin plane!" She screams at the top of her lungs. "You wanted the street cred, the badge of honor, the warrior wounds, well great! Stick out your leg and I will go grab a bone saw and lets even the score!" I stand in shock, with my jaw almost hitting the floor. Arizona starts sobbing, once she realizes what she said._

 _"It always comes back to the leg." I cry._

 _"I trusted you, more than anybody. More than anyone, in my life, and you decided, to cut it off."_

 _"To save your life!"_

 _"You didnt lose anything! I did! I did!"_

 _"...Apparently, I lost you."_

"And was that the end of it? Or did you try to save the marriage?" I grab a tissue from my purse and dab at my eyes. "We did marriage counseling." I shook my head. "We were supposed to be separated for a month to realize that we needed each other. She thought it had worked." He leans forward, propping his elbows on his desk. "And you didnt?" I shake my head. "I felt free during those months. There wasnt any pressure." I still remember the look on her face when I told her I didnt want to work it out. She was devistated and she reminded me of what I must have looked like, when she cheated on me. "And how do you feel about that decision now?"

"It's like, she's imprinted herself on me. I know nothing but her. I only think about her. I go on dates and compare them to her. And honestly, everyone else fails in comparison. Without her, life is dull. I dont laugh. I'm not care free. I'm locked in this cage of sadness. I cant get out." I try to explain my feelings, but nothing ever sounds right in words. You can never truly express a feeling.

"And why not tell her these things?" I shrug my shoulders and sit in silence for a moment. "Because what if, she doesnt want me back. What if, my chapter in her book is done. I don't think I could ever recover. Knowing that I could have had her, that I let her go, and didnt have the slightest chance anymore...would break me."

"Well, what if she does? What if she is suffering just as much as you are? What if you are both causing each other, unnecasarry pain?" I lean my head on my hand and think about it. "Then I would be the happiest person on the planet." I smile slightly. "But it would also be selfish of me, to grab her back. She deserves someone who can give her more. Someone who hasnt ever held her back. I can give her so much love, but she needs more than that."

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 **Well, I hoped you liked it! I'm thinking about making a sequel to it, so review and tell me if I should!**


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